Here’s the thing about celebrity deaths — it’s okay for them to hurt. People get a lot of shit for crying over the loss of a beloved celebrity or public figure, because they didn’t personally know them, and it’s not deserved. I obviously didn’t know Friends actor Matthew Perry. I only knew the Matthew Perry I watched onscreen or, more recently, read about in his memoir. But when I first saw the news of his passing, it hit me like I lost a close friend.
It hit me not because I knew him, but because of what he contributed to Friends and, subsequently, my life. Matthew and the other five cast members, as their characters, were my friends all throughout undergrad and grad school. The show would be playing in the background as I was cooking, cleaning, or doing homework, filling the silence I didn’t want to sit in. I even left the show on for my dog whenever I left the apartment, so she wouldn’t wait in silence either.
As an introvert, I connect with fictional characters more easily than people — and when I connect with characters in a book or TV show, they become a safe place. They’re there if I’m lonely or if I had a bad day, and for the longest time, Matthew’s Chandler Bing was always there for me. He, of course, made me laugh (despite the fact that I’d heard his one-liners over 100 times), and he made me feel like it was okay to be a little messed up. He was hopeless and awkward and desperate for love. He had a terrible childhood, he had trouble with his relationships, and he hated his job. But at the end of the day, he had his friends and he powered through.
There’s the well-known joke that Matthew Perry basically was Chandler Bing, that he was just playing himself on the show. After reading his memoir (Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing), where he confirmed that that was pretty much true, it made me somewhat sad. He explained that he was exactly like Chandler, except for the happy ending. He never got married, never had kids, even though he wanted to. And unfortunately, his insecurities and addiction problems kept him from being happy. The end of the book was open and hopeful, sounding like he was ready to start his life now that he was sober. It breaks my heart to know that just a few days after I read those lines, his life ended.
I hate to say goodbye to Matthew, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to watch the show again, but I’m grateful for the times he made me and so many other fans smile. So, if he was important to you, like he was important to me, your feelings are valid.
Rest in peace, my friend.
Sara Bechtol 